Feeling shitty. That’s that.

Having a really hard time lately. It doesn’t help that I’m not taking my meds regularly, nor am I sleeping properly. Generally feeling really pessimistic about everything, and it’s coming out in my work too. Normally I can hide it at work, normally I can push through and pretend things are okay as long as I’m busy with work. But now I just don’t want to do anything. I feel like I’m wasting my time at this job, that the site we’re creating is never really going to take off and that I’ll end up back at square one. I’m supposed to be at this stupid convention all week, promoting the site, but I just keep tripping up on things that are not working with the site and having a hard time getting people excited about it.

I need to make a change, but I’m not sure how to begin. I don’t have the energy. I don’t even have the energy to take care of myself, by taking my meds and seeing Dr. A. I just don’t see the point.

I haven’t been writing here because I know that the more negative things I write here, the more I’ll have to explain to people that it’s just a bad spell, I’ll be fine soon. Cause I’m not sure if I’ll be fine soon.

How many times can you feel this way before you realize that things aren’t going to get better? I feel like I’m starting to give up on myself. And I just don’t care.

I don’t want to think of the repercussions of this post. I don’t want to deal with my friends reading this and worrying about me. I’m tired of apologizing for feeling like this. So I’m just going to put it out there anyway. I don’t want to talk to any of my friends because I can’t explain this feeling anymore. Unless you’ve been in this boat, you’ll never understand and I don’t want to help you understand. I just need to vent and leave it at that.

So that’s that.

 

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