The Lucky Ones

Today I can’t help but feel that I’m one of the lucky ones. One of the lucky few that manages to see through the fog of depression before it’s too late. Who lives to tell the tale. Who finds a way to live with, and even sometimes draw strength from, an illness that takes far […]

 Go to post page

February 2nd, 2013 by "Alice"

Single. Unemployed. Bipolar.

I know, I said I’d be back soon and I wasn’t. Life has thrown me yet another curveball. I was laid off — again. That’s right, I lost my job for the third time in four years. I was doing pretty well about all of it until today, the second day of unemployment. It’s not […]

 Go to post page

October 13th, 2012 by "Alice"

Back down the rabbit hole…

And here we are again. Once again my world is crashing down around me and I am powerless to stop it. A month ago, the guy I was seeing abruptly told me he just wanted to be friends, while he “figures things out” with his life. Fine. I thought we could actually be friends, but […]

 Go to post page

July 31st, 2011 by "Alice"

Single brown female seeks… sleep.

The past week has been a bit up and down. The other night — Thursday or Friday — I couldn’t sleep and was suddenly overcome with irritability. I thrashed around in my bed for a while before getting up and pacing the apartment. I thought about writing something here, but I couldn’t focus enough. What […]

 Go to post page

June 26th, 2011 by "Alice"

Depression, avoidance and hallucinations — oh my!

I just came in from a cigarette and laid down on the floor of my apartment for almost an hour. Sasha very kindly kept me company, although I think she was just hoping for more belly rubs. She got them. I’m not entirely sure why I laid on the floor; I’ve never done that before. […]

 Go to post page

March 21st, 2011 by "Alice"

Venting — because I never do that

I just need to vent a little. Since I left AIM, things have slowly been going downhill. The past week was full of outings with friends and meetings with AIM friends. However, these outings and meetings all managed to turn into ways for me to get drunk. Sometimes I did things I wasn’t proud of […]

 Go to post page

March 8th, 2011 by "Alice"

Stigma

If you Google “stigma,” the first four or so results are definitions and explanations of what a “stigma” is. They mostly say that a stigma is a mark or stain that is a permanent part of a person’s appearance or character, setting that person apart from society or “normal.” After that, results refer to the […]

 Go to post page

March 7th, 2011 by "Alice"

Week 2 ends and Week 3 begins

Well, a lot happened last week, which is why I didn’t have time to update this or call anyone. I went from almost manic on Monday to hopelessly depressed on Friday. After a relaxing weekend at my parents’, without my phone, which I left at CAMH by accident, I came back refreshed and feeling pretty […]

 Go to post page

January 31st, 2011 by "Alice"

Week one begins

So, I don’t remember writing that post. I was taking Lorazepam, which I haven’t taken in a long time, to help with the Seroquel to sleep. And now I realized that I don’t remember much of the weekend. Which sucks, cause I was supposed to be enjoying my freedom. Anyway, Mum and Dad brought me […]

 Go to post page

January 17th, 2011 by "Alice"

AIM program at CAMH

So a lot has happened since I last wrote.  After making the decision to go into the in-patient program (called AIM), it was a lot of hurry up and wait. Barbara told me that I have to go in for four weeks while Dr. A told me it was more flexible. I finally got a […]

 Go to post page

January 15th, 2011 by "Alice"