The Lucky Ones

Today I can’t help but feel that I’m one of the lucky ones. One of the lucky few that manages to see through the fog of depression before it’s too late. Who lives to tell the tale. Who finds a way to live with, and even sometimes draw strength from, an illness that takes far […]

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February 2nd, 2013 by "Alice"

Back down the rabbit hole…

And here we are again. Once again my world is crashing down around me and I am powerless to stop it. A month ago, the guy I was seeing abruptly told me he just wanted to be friends, while he “figures things out” with his life. Fine. I thought we could actually be friends, but […]

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July 31st, 2011 by "Alice"

Depression, avoidance and hallucinations — oh my!

I just came in from a cigarette and laid down on the floor of my apartment for almost an hour. Sasha very kindly kept me company, although I think she was just hoping for more belly rubs. She got them. I’m not entirely sure why I laid on the floor; I’ve never done that before. […]

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March 21st, 2011 by "Alice"

Parentheses overload

Well, I’ve been avoiding writing here for a few reasons — the main reason being a fear of putting my thoughts into concrete words. Because my thoughts have been far from positive these past few weeks. Nothing has really changed, except that I’m off work now so I have more time to sleep (or to […]

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November 27th, 2010 by "Alice"

Warning: Contains inordinate amounts of self-pity

I can’t decide if I’ve been down this past week, or if this is my “normal” mood. I’ve been thrown off by working evenings, so my schedule has made a 180 degree turn. I don’t get to bed until between 1 and 3 in the morning, and then I’m sleeping until noon or 1-2 pm. […]

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October 29th, 2010 by "Alice"

Blah blah blah… Life sucks… Blah blah blah

Yesterday was a really, really bad day. I feel like I’ve been writing that more and more lately. I haven’t done the blood test yet to see if the lithium levels are okay, but I’m pretty sure I need to be on a higher dose. Lithium’s claim to fame is that it controls suicidal thoughts. […]

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September 15th, 2010 by "Alice"

Coming to terms with things… slowly

It’s been a while since I was officially diagnosed. Even longer since I first started showing symptoms. But I’m really only just coming to terms with the fact that this is a disorder that I’ll have for the rest of my life. Even if I do manage to stabilize, odds are I will never come […]

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January 23rd, 2010 by "Alice"